"So Long, Airtel"
Sung to the tune of "So Long, Farewell" from the musical The Sound of Music.
<Shaun Lyon, Rebecca Barber, Wendy Wiseman, Suze Campagna, Mary Alice, Tadao, Paul Steib and Robbie are lined up in single file in front of the Airtel, in the parking lot. Only Shaun, in front, is visible.>
ALL:
There’s a sad sort of clanging from the cloister bell,
if you listen, you can hear it chime.
The ticker tape is printing from the console of the TARDIS,
it’s popping out to say "It’s time."
Rebecca, Wendy, Suze and Mary Alice:
It’s time.
It’s time.
Shaun, Tadao, Paul and Robbie: Regretfully they tell us
Rebecca, Wendy, Suze and Mary Alice: It’s time.
Shaun, Tadao, Paul and Robbie: but firmly they compel
us
Rebecca, Wendy, Suze and Mary Alice: It’s time.
Shaun, Tadao, Paul and Robbie: to say good-byyyyyyye
Rebecca, Wendy, Suze and Mary Alice: It’s time.
ALL:
to yoooooooooooooou!
<Everyone lines up in a row from left to right.>
ALL: So long, Airtel, you were good but not terrific.
Shaun: And there are more hotels by the Pacific.
<Everyone kicks Shaun to the end of the line and he leaves. Everyone else takes a step to their right.>
All who are left: So long, Airtel, and the restaurant
we call Landings.
Rebecca: Your food’s okay but not all that
outstanding.
<Everyone kicks Rebecca to the end of the line and she leaves. Everyone else takes a step to their right.>
All who are left: So long, Airtel, from your layout we
depart.
Wendy: It split the con into inconvenient parts.
<Everyone kicks Wendy to the end of the line and she leaves. Everyone else takes a step to their right.>
All who are left: So long, Airtel, your drivers were
okay.
Suze: Sometimes we were made to wait at Flyaway.
<Everyone kicks Suze to the end of the line and she leaves. Everyone else takes a step to their right.>
All who are left: So long, Airtel, we won’t miss
your carpet stains
Mary Alice: that you won’t clean, which is really
quite insane.
<Everyone kicks Mary Alice to the end of the line and she leaves. Everyone else takes a step to their right.>
All who are left: So long, Airtel, we propped up the
bar an awful lot.
Tadao: But that’s no loss, there’s another at
Marriott.
<Everyone kicks Tadao to the end of the line and he leaves. Everyone else takes a step to their right.>
All who are left: So long, Airtel, it is Beeps that we
will miss.
Paul: The rest you can toss into the abyss.
<Robbie kicks Paul to the end of the line and he leaves. Robbie takes a step to her right.>
<As Robbie sings, everyone comes back to join her.>
Robbie (very slowly): So long, Airtel, your service
could improve.
ALL: That’s why we chose to pull up stakes and move.
Good-byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye.
Good-byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye.
The Airtel staff comes out and waves:
Good-byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye.
The End
This filk composed by Douglas Neman.
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